Ah, Ramen. The instant stuff weeaboos and college kids eat almost 3 times a day. What a treasure.
You know what I’m gonna teach you what to make? Ramen that isn’t instant, and doesn’t taste like you poured an entire fucking salt shaker into your fucking bowl. God damn…MSG, amirite?
Anyway, this recipes like pretty fucking delish, so we’re gonna have a pretty rad time making it, okay?
O FUCKING KAY.
(servings: 1 bowl)
adapted from: x
Ingredients for Home made noodles-
- 3/4 cups all purpose flour
- 1 egg
- 3/4 tsp salt (plus more to taste)
- ~1 Tbsp water (or more give or take)
Ingredients for soup-
- 2 cups pork or vegetable broth*
- 1 Tbsp fresh miso paste
- 1 tsp soy sauce (add more if you want it to be saltier)
- 1/4 tsp dashi granules
- 1/4 cup fresh bean sprouts
Ingredients for toppings-
- 1/2 scallion stalk
- 1 egg, hard boiled
- 1 piece of thick cut ham sliced in half
- 1 Tbsp olive oil
Procedure for noodles-
- Mix all of the dry ingredients together and make a small ‘well’ in the center of the mixture.
- Mix all of the wet ingredients together and pour the mixture into the center ‘well’ of the dry ingredients.
- Slowly combine the ingredients together until it becomes a hard dough.
- Knead that dough hardcore motherfucker. Knead it the same way you need every little bit of merch with your waifu’s face on it. Yeah I know i said ‘need’ instead of ‘knead’. Fight me. I dare you.
- Roll it into a ball and test the consistency. If it’s WAY too stick, add some flour, if it’s really hard and not sticky at all, add a TEENY bit of water. The dough should only be a tiny bit sticky, like not enough to stick anyway, u feel me
- Once the doughs at the right consistency, wrap the dough ball in a dish towel and let that shit rest for like an hour. You rocked it’s work, tiger, and now it just needs to recharge a little. Am I implying you had sexual relations with a noodle? Yes. sort of. It’s been a long day.
- Take the dough ball once it’s rested and sprinkle flour over that shit. Make it rain, holla. place it on a flour’d counter and use a rolling pin to flatten it out. Like real talk. Flat.
- If the dough starts sticking during the rolling process, slap some more flour on that shit.
- Put the dough sheet on your cutting board and spread a bunch of flour over it. Real talk, get reaaaaaal liberal about your flour use here. You DO NOT want your noodles sticking together once we cut them.
- Fold the sheet two times in the same direction, spreading flour over the sheet each time you fold it.
- Once it’s folded, start cutting it into thin noodles. If you think it’s going to start stick, add some more flour onto that biz.
- Once you’re done cutting them and you have a huge ass pile of noodles, toy at them a little with your fingers to unfold and separate them a bit. Then toss that shit around with some more flour.
- Get some water bowling, enough to cover all the noodles, and just sort of sprinkle the noodles in. If you plop em all in they’ll stick and shit, so don’t do that.
- Cook for abot 4 minutes, tasting a noodle occasionally to see if they’re done. I like undercooking mine a tiny bit so they fully cook in the soup.
- Once they’re done cooking, strain them and place them in the bowl you’re gonna eat from.
- And bam. You finished the noodles. Are you proud of yourself? Do you want a hug? Fuck off, we’re not done yet ho we still got a WORLD of shit to finish before you can eat this mystical creation based off of Miyazaki’s food porn masterpiece.
Procedure for Soup-
- In a medium sized pot, add the stock, dashi, and soy sauce. Bring it to a boil over high heat.
- Remove from heat and stir in the miso. If you want to add more miso or something, fuckin go for it, it’s your life.
- Add the bean sprouts in now so they warm up a little. Pour the soup into the bowl of noodles and stir it around so the bean sprouts and noodles are all intertwined.
Oh hot damn. You finished dat soup. Wow. how cool are you? Not that cool yet, because you still need to do the last few toppings you lil shitbaby.
Procedure for toppings-
- Pour enough water to cover an egg into a small pot and bring to a boil. Once boiling, place the egg in gently and let it stay there for like 10 minutes.
- Once the egg’s cooked for about 10 minutes, take that shit out and place it in a small bowl of ice water so it can cool down.
- Once it’s cooled, remove the shell and cut it in half vertically. Place one of the halves on top of the ramen and eat the other one yourself with a sprinkle of salt because you deserve it. Love yourself a little.
- Get some thick cut ham slices, like the thickest you can find, get a piece and cut it in half. Drizzle a frying pan with olive oil and let it heat up before placing the ham slices on there.
- Cook until heated up but not browned and place atop the noodles.
- Thinly dice half the chive stock and place it atop the noodles as well.
HOLY SHIT YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF SOME MIYAZAKI NOODLES
ARE YOU PROUD? YOU SHOULD BE. YOU BASICALLY MADE ART.
No seriously, put that shit in MOMA and it will probably sell a lot quicker than like, fuckin, idk, cubism or whatever. Because Ramen always tastes better than oil paint, trust me.
Alright nerds, that’s Ponyo’s Ramen for you, enjoy eating literally 10 bowls of it while crying over fucking fish people you sad piece of trash.
LOVE YOU, BYE
… and so sherlock and john never met. the end.
THE SHOW WOULD CONSIST OF JOHN LIMPING AROUND LONDON AT VARIOUS SPEEDS
“Who’d want me for a flatmate?” John asked, completely serious at the notion that anyone would actually want to room with him. He glanced at his old colleague when he heard him chuckling. “What?”
“Nothing, I just remembered a funny joke.” He said with a smile. It probably had something to do with two flatmates or something. John didn’t inquire.
“Oh.” He responded simply, returning his gaze to his cup of coffee. After a few minutes of silence, John looked up to ask Stamford a question but stopped when he saw a curious look on the man’s face. He almost seemed horrified. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Stamford stuttered. “It’s just…” He seemed to be trying to get a look at John’s back. “I just thought I saw something on your back.”
A couple days later, John saw something in the papers. It shouldn’t have bothered him, really, he didn’t even know this “Sherlock Holmes” character. He just couldn’t put his finger on why it made him so sad to find out that the so-called “consulting detective” had been victim to another one of those recent suicides.
NO NO NO
John pauses by a police box on his way to the store to get some milk. He smiled a little at the old timey appearance of it. “They just don’t make them like that anymore,” he said, a little wistfully. He jumped when the door flew open.
"You!" the man with the bow-tie snapped. John looked around in surprise but he was the only one around.
"M-me?" he asked, half pointing at himself.
"Yes, you. Don’t you know you jumped the tracks? You were supposed to be there to save that brilliant ridiculous idiot! But no, someone dipped their fingers in the time stream and messed everything all up. I will need to have a word with this person, but for now we need to get you back on track come on," the madman said, grabbing John by the arm and pulling him towards the box.
"Wow wow excuse me I don’t even know you!"
"Nor are you supposed to! But I can’t just let things go all willy-nilly topsie turvey here! Some one has got to save Sherlock Holmes and It might as well be us, eh?"
"I don’t know any Sherlock Holmes," John protested.
"Yes, and that might be the biggest crime here," the man said and finally succeeded in dragging John into the box.
"He killed himself, the papers said, and…oh my," John trailed off, looking around him in surprise. "It….it…."
"Yes, it is bigger on the inside I know. Come on, we’ve got a flatmate for you to meet!"
(in which Moriarty somehow got a hold of time travel tech and fucked everything up and the doctor is just the man to fix it)
"Hey Dean, the guy with the bow tie is back" said Sam. They had been sitting in the impala for what felt like days, just staring at the police box waiting for SOMETHING.
Dean had tried to kick the door down but the damn police box was sturdy.
After a few moments Dean responded “yeah ‘The Doctor’ right? But who’s that short angry lookin guy with him?”
"I’m not sure…" Said Sam "he’s nowhere in Dad’s journal and he doesn’t look familiar, so maybe he’s just a civilian?"
"Maybe" answered Dean warily "But I’m sure as he’ll not taking any chances. Let’s go find out who The Doctors new ‘patient’ is."
Sam looked at his brother obviously frustrated and said “Dean, how are we supposed to find out what’s going on if we can’t even get inside?!”
"I don’t know Sammy let’s go try knocking." Exiting the Impala dean slowly drew his demon knife and sauntered up to the big blue monstrosity if a police box.
"If kicking the damn door didn’t get him to open up, knocking sure won’t!" Yelled an exasperated Sam, just now exiting the impala.
After Sam arrived at the door he looked over at Dean and said “okay now what’s the REAL plan?” With a slight smile Dean raised his hand and gave three loud knocks *Bang* *Bang* *Bang* “FBI, OPEN UP!” Just as The words left Deans mouth, the door swung open.
"Ah so you are the Winchesters" chimed the man wearing a fez and… A bow tie? "Huh I hoped at least one of you would be ginger… Well regardless, come on in. We have work to do!"
SOMEONE MAKE MORE OF THIS
Dean glanced at Sam before making a gesture for him to go in. Sam walked in slowly, followed by Dean. Sam looked around startled “It’s big-” “Yes, it’s bigger on the inside glad we established that!” The Doctor cut him off rushing around. He walked over to the man with a cane and a very confused look on his face. “Winchesters this is John Watson, John Watson this is Sam and Dean Winchester.” Dean glanced at Sam before walking up to shake Johns hand. “I’m Dean and the tall guy is my little brother Sam.” he said with a smile. John gave a tense smile and a nod before turning back to The Doctor “What is the point of all this exactly?” He asked in a exasperated tone.
"The point? Ah yes the point" The Doctor muttered before clapping his hands together and turning to the group. "The point is we have to save Sherlock Holmes and the only person who can do it is you John Watson." He said pointing at John before going to the control panel. "So why are we here?" Sam asked, gesturing to himself and his brother "We don’t know a Sherlock Holmes and unless there are ghosts or demons or something like that we can’t do anything." "Oh but there are demons involved" The Doctor said excitedly "The person who fiddled with the timeline, Moriarty, He is possessed by some demon and is probably working with a whole lot more." The Doctor explained. With that he hit a few more buttons and a loud sound rang out, almost like the screeching of breaks. "Here we go!" The Doctor shouted excitedly. "What is this thing?" Dean asked in a curious voice. "This" The Doctor started while spinning "This is my TARDIS, it means time and relative dimensions in space." The Doctor finished with a smile on his face. "So a time machine?" John asked looking around. "Yes she is a time machine." The Doctor answered. "I would explain more, but it seems we have reached our destination." The Doctor said and began walking towards the group as the loud noise rang out again. "Ready to begin?" He asked with a smile.
Highly requested post. Once again I post these because it’s just a thrill to READ abut them even.
I have received various messages from people who actually tried some of these games and got back horrifying, emotionally and physically scarring results.
You have been warned over and over again not to try it.
hide and seek: playing cat and mouse with a possessed doll
fortune: asking spirits for your entire future
things you never want to do: a collection of dare-devil activities
midnight man: summoning a demon
how to actually contact blood mary: self-explanatory
living doll: inducing a spirit to possess a doll
concentrate: a game to figure out how you will die
kokkuri-san: summon a spirit to ask about the future
three kings: access to another dimension
shoe box telephone: communication with the dead
elevator game: access to another world you may or may not get out of
bath game: summoning a ghost that will follow you around all day
cat scratch: to summon a spirit that leave claw marks on your back
sandman game: persons body feels much heavier
baby blue: to summon an evil baby spirit
light as a feather: make person’s body light enough to lift up with fingers
watch your fav disney movies :’D (will be redirected after 10-15 seconds)
1937 - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
1940 - Fantasia
1940 - Pinocchio
1941 - Dumbo
1941 - The Reluctant Dragon
1942 - Bambi
1942 - Saludos Amigos
1943 - Victory Through Air Power
1945 - The Three Caballeros
1946 - Make Mine Music
1946 - Song of the South
1947 - Fun and Fancy Free
1948 - Melody Time
1949 - The Adventures Of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
1950 - Cinderella
1951 - Alice in Wonderland
1953 - Peter Pan
1954 - 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
1955 - Lady and the Tramp
1957 - Old Yeller
1959 - Darby O’Gill and the Little People
1959 - Sleeping Beauty
1960 - Swiss Family Robinson
1961 - 101 Dalmatians
1963 - The Sword in the Stone
1964 - Mary Poppins
1965 - That Darn Cat
1967 - The Jungle Book
1968 - The Love Bug
1970 - The Aristocats
1971 - Bedknobs and Broomsticks
1971 - The Million Dollar Duck
1973 - Robin Hood
1974 - Herbie Rides Again
1977 - Pete’s Dragon
1977 - The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
1977 - The Rescuers
1981 - The Fox and the Hound
1982 - A Disney Christmas Gift
1985 - The Black Cauldron
1986 - The Great Mouse Detective
1988 - Oliver & Company
1988 - Who Framed Roger Rabbit
1989 - The Little Mermaid
1990 - Ducktales The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp
1990 - The Rescuers Down Under
1991 - Beauty and the Beast
1993 - The Nightmare Before Christmas
1994 - Aladdin -The Return of Jafar
1994 - Aladdin
1994 - The Lion King
1995 - A Goofy Movie
1995 - Pocahontas
1995 - Toy Story
1996 - Aladdin and the King of Thieves
1996 - James and the Giant Peach
1996 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
1997 - Beauty and the Beast - The Enchanted Christmas
1997 - Hercules
1997 - Winnie The Pooh’s Most Grand Adventure
1998 - A Bug’s Life
1998 - Belle’s Magical World
1998 - Mulan
1998 - Pocahontas II - Journey to a New World
1998 - The Lion King 2 - Simba’s Pride
1999 - Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmas
1999 - Tarzan
1999 - Toy Story 2
1999 - Winnie The Pooh-Seasons of Giving
2000 - An Extremely Goofy Movie
2000 - Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command, The Adventure Begins
2000 - Dinosaur
2000 - Fantasia 2000
2000 - The Emperor’s New Groove
2000 - The Little Mermaid 2-Return to the Sea
2000 - The Tigger Movie
2001 - Atlantis The Lost Empire
2001 - Lady And The Tramp II - Scamp’s Adventure
2001 - Mickey’s Magical Christmas-Snowed In at the House of Mouse
2001 - Monsters, Inc.
2002 - Cinderella II - Dreams Come True
2002 - Lilo And Stitch
2002 - Mickey’s House of Mouse - The Villains
2002 - Return to Never Land
2002 - Tarzan & Jane
2002 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame II
2002 - Treasure Planet
2002 - Winnie the Pooh-A Very Merry Pooh Year
2003 - 101 Dalmatians 2 - Patch’s London Adventure
2003 - Atlantis 2 Milo’s Return
2003 - Brother Bear
2003 - Finding Nemo
2003 - Kim Possible - A Stitch In Time
2003 - Piglet’s Big Movie
2003 - Stitch! The Movie
2003 - The Jungle Book 2
2004 - Home On The Range
2004 - Kim Possible - The Villain Files
2004 - Mickey Donald Goofy-The Three Musketeers
2004 - Mickeys Twice Upon a Christmas
2004 - The Incredibles
2004 - The Lion King 1-1.5 - Hakuna Matata
2004 - Winnie the Pooh - Springtime With Roo
2005 - Chicken Little
2005 - Disney’s Christmas Favourites
2005 - Kim Possible - So The Drama
2005 - Kronk’s New Groove
2005 - Lilo and Stitch 2 - Stitch has a Glitch
2005 - Pooh’s Heffalump Movie
2005 - Tarzan II
2006 - Bambi II
2006 - Brother Bear 2
2006 - Cars
2006 - Leroy & Stitch
2006 - The Fox and the Hound 2
2007 - Cinderella III - A Twist in Time
2007 - Disney Princess Enchanted Tales - Follow Your Dreams
2007 - Enchanted
2007 - Meet The Robinsons
2008 - Bolt
2008 - The Little Mermaid - Ariel’s Beginning
2008 - Tinker Bell
2008 - Wall-E
did i just die and go to heaven?
im sure ill need this sooner or later
all my favorite old movies! hopefully they’ll get 2009-2012 soon :’)
brings back memories :)
Well I mean… This explains a lot.
FOODS THAT IMPROVE YOUR VAGINAL TASTE
Every lady has thought about it. As has every person who has gone down on a woman. Open communication can be awkward especially when talking about how someone is down there. This article is to let you know of at least 5 foods and drinks to improve your vaginal taste.
Diet, fluid intake and the natural balance of chemicals affect fluids of the vagina. The vagina is generally acidic with a pH of around 3.8 to 4.5. To describe this in general food terms imagine the flavors of a tangy lemon and a good red wine. What food you eat and where you are on the menstrual cycle do influence flavor factors. So take control of that and you will see how much more fun things will become in the bedroom.
The number one rule is to always drink a lot of water. Water flushes down the system as a whole and filters chemicals out of the body. If you drink more water, the acidity of your vaginal fluids will go down. It will hydrate you thoroughly. The results will be sweet. Literally. Always remember to drink water throughout the day. No coffee or tea because caffeine has been known to be unpleasant.
Rule number two is to eat a lot of fruits. Fruits are generally good for you and really good for making you sweeter. Next time you go grocery shopping make sure you stock up on strawberries, kiwi, grapes and apples. Strawberries and kiwis have been known to produce positive results. Feel free to try it out but do remember that eating more sugary products will not make things as sweet as sugar down there. Fruits do the magic - sugar doesn’t.
At number three, pineapple juice is a chartbuster. Studies show that those who drank a lot of pineapple juice actually tasted sweet and fruity. Not to mention, more fluid intake means you will get wetter and faster. No pina coladas though - dairy products, liquor and beer are known to cause strange flavors.
At number four, honey does just as it sounds. Honey has the goodness of centuries in it, not to mention the sweetness it can bring. The more honey you have, the sweeter you will be. Add some honey to drinking water. Or even drizzle some on those fruits and get double the results.
Number five is a miracle called cranberry juice. Cranberry juice has been known to improve not just the flavor but also the scent of your discharge. Cranberry juice works to keep bad bacteria away from the urinary tract system and drastically improves even the smell of urine. Drink as little as a glass a day and you will notice the changes. If you can handle the 100% pure cranberry juice (the organic kind in the glass bottles) go for it- add a splash to regular or soda water.
Any meat and fish will make you taste bitter. Asparagus, broccoli, onions and garlic are known to produce foul smells and taste so try to avoid these foods if you are planning on getting some oral action. Experiments show that smoking cigarettes can also be bad in this case, as well as certain medication.
Lastly, don’t be afraid of your own body. There is nothing weird or strange about tasting your own bodily fluids to see what you are like, and how these foods can affect or change your taste. In fact, it promotes healthy body awareness, self-love, and healthy eating. It’s a fun idea to try. Bonus- more oral sex for you, and you taste great!
So, eat your heart out. ;)
Okay, I got some people asking me to make a demonstration on how to fit yourself for a bra so have some awkward video of me trying to show you how to measure yourself.